Im in school now. And im freezing my butt off. School ends at 4 today. Fucking sian lahh ! There is a chinese test today and i din even study ! Haha. All the best to me. Even common test i also didnt bother to study ! Haha. Gonna run 2.4 for PE later and i hope that the sun wont be hot. =D Hahs.

Anyways, im gonna move on. I checked my feelings again and again, and i`ve realised that i dont love marcus as much as i do in the past. I dont love him anymore. I just like him? Haha. I dunno why but my hatred for him is so much so much and my hatred for him is depleting my love for him. Hahs. Saw his frenster picture with his new girl, i was angry but not sad. Haha. I cant believe his taste luhs ! I tot the girl was some big chiobu but in the end.... haha. Shall not say ! =D My frens says im better looking compared to her ! ;p And they also cant believe he has such *%#&^&^@ taste. Haha. Imma change everything in this template soon. Im very busy this few days, always going out ! So when im free, i`ll change it. =D I deleted every single thing about me & him. Im really gonna move on. Im not gonna stay in this shit hole and remain single for him. Not as if he dont want me den no one else want me. haha. Infact, MANY MANY PPLE WANT ME ! Hahahaha. And and, im not jealous of that girl so dont think i am. Tsk tsk. Actually, come to think of it, I think im enjoying my singlehood now. I can flirt all i want and i get attention and care from more people ! Haha. =D Yeah, imma show the whole world i can be happier w/o him because i am !

Alrights, time to go for chapel ! Sayonaras. I`ll blog again later. But thats if i dont go out. Haha. Byeeee !

Fucked up ! I accidentally deleted everything i just typed ! Zzz.. Anyways, i just woke up not long ago. I was so fucking tired in school i almost died-ed. Haha. I wanted to come back home after recess today but i just tahan all the way and i cant believe i actually survived ! Haha..I came back by cab from school and plopped onto the bed immediately. Lols.. Slept all the way till now, i am still so tired but i forced myself to wake up if not i`ll not be able to sleep again ltr. Hahs.

It was the 26th ytd and in other words, it was supposed to be me & marcus`s one year eleven month. Hais. Forget it.. I dont wanna think anymore bcos the one getting hurt in the end would only be me. I should just get on with my fucking life and perhaps, if im lucky enough, i`ll get another guy better than marcus. I was supposed to call him ytd , not bcos he told me to but bcos i told him i would to get his answer. I backed out in the end bcos i see no point in getting back in that endless cycle which in the end, i would be the fucking one getting hurt. However, a private number called me and when i answered, tht person kept quiet. I HELLO-ED so many times but that person still kept quiet and eventually cut off the line. I wonder if it was just a person trying to play a cruel prank on me or is it marcus who called but didnt dare to talk? Bcos all i know is that marcus is the only person i know who has a private number. Arghs.. I called marcus but no one answered so i asked crush to call for me. Crush said that marcus sounded like he was sleeping but being his GF for so long, i know that when marcus sleeps, he is as dead as a log. He wont answer calls or even when he does, he`ll be blabbering rubbish which you wont know. Zzz.. So i called back and when marcus answered, i just said this ' Eh, you call me ah?' and he dunno said wad den i said ' okay. nvm. BYE'. At that point of time, i didnt really feel anything, not even a single tinge of heartache. But honestly, i was a lil disappointed it wasnt him. Hahs.

Anyhoos, i went to the funfair AGAIN ytd. Spent $30++ there. I must say i am a really brave girl ! Haha. I sat the 360 degree viking thingy and challenger again and it wasnt so scary as i tot it was. I found out that by relaxing, the rides are actually quite shiok ! Haha. Oh Oh, and the cute cute malay guy took stacy`s number. He is really darn cute but he is not my type bcos he isnt chinese. Siannn ! Haha.. Before going to the funfair, i went ard hougang with crush. We were so bored we went to the arcade to play. haha. Felt so xiao mei mei going there. ;x After playing, we went to look for my contacts and i think imma buy 'Anna Sui' Dolly Perfume. Haha. Ate pontian mee @ hg plaza and i didnt really touch the noodles bcos i was so full after a few mouthfuls. Hah. Went home @ 10+pm. =D Im going to the funfair agn soon ! Haha..

Alrights, Imma stop here now. =D

I love this bitches ! =D
Bye bye !

Im bored. I`ve been at home the whole day. Waking up so early in the morning, dozing off suddenly and now im awake again. Zzz.. So since my computer has been repaired by my uncle, i`ll upload the pictures taken ytd ! Haha. =D






Haha. Me me and ME ! I just cant stop zi lianing ! LOL.


This is the place we went to. Sahara @ boat quay.


We @ the pub. Look at stacy and her fren, they look like drug addicts ! ;x. Haha


Haha. Friends ! Siew hwee is a retardo but i love her ! Haha. =D


Haha. All the retardedness while walking to Marina Sq. LOL. I look so fugly in all those pictures and i know im FAT ! Haha. And the picture whereby i was sitting on the man, his hand hurt my vagina and it was so fucking pain! Haha. Ok. thats all. Bye bye !


Should I or Should I Not?

Im bored. I`ve been at home the whole day. Waking up so early in the morning, dozing off suddenly and now im awake again. Zzz.. So since my computer has been repaired by my uncle, i`ll upload the pictures taken ytd ! Haha. =D






Haha. Me me and ME ! I just cant stop zi lianing ! LOL.


This is the place we went to. Sahara @ boat quay.


We @ the pub. Look at stacy and her fren, they look like drug addicts ! ;x. Haha


Haha. Friends ! Siew hwee is a retardo but i love her ! Haha. =D


Haha. All the retardedness while walking to Marina Sq. LOL. I look so fugly in all those pictures and i know im FAT ! Haha. And the picture whereby i was sitting on the man, his hand hurt my vagina and it was so fucking pain! Haha. Ok. thats all. Bye bye !


Should I or Should I Not?

Siansations! Just reached home not long ago. Damn tired. Zzz.. Anyways, my dumb comp is spoiled, dunno which idiotic sister of mine made it spoil. It was still working in the morning !

Today, i went out in the afternoon and afterwhich i headed to town to meet hwee, xuebs, calista, stacy and one more guy. We shopped ard @ far east and this man sorta winked at me. So &%^I#$@. Haha. Den afterwhich, we headed to boat quay to smoke seesha. And while on the bus, a lion dance troupe van happened to stop beside the bus and these 2 ah bengs did a hand sign which showed they wanted HP number and it was so funny ! Siew Hwee says that i attract alot of guys attention when im out but i think she is the one luhs ! Haha. Den after smoking the seesha and a couple of drinks, we headed to marina sq and while walking there, this indian guy asked me, 'How are you?' Haha. Retardo ! Walked ard marina sq abit before heading home. And my feet is hurting now. I think imma stop here bcos this fucking keyboard is spoiled and its wasting alot of my time!

^It actualoloy types lo6i[ke th6is ! Haha.

Okay, gonna go off now. Shall upload pics another time. =D

Just here to make a quick update bcos i`m gonna get ready to go out soon. Gonna go to Uncle Ringo`s funfair @ Hg mrt station there. Haha. I know its damn near my house but i still needa prepare what! Haha.

Alrights. Ytd i went to marcus`s house area to drop some stuff off at his house. It was damn funny bcos when i walked down the stairs, marcus`s mom was standing at the door so i stood one level higher so she couldnt see me and i kept laughing and laughing as i talked to crush on the phone After she left, i quickly ran down and dropped the stuff and ZAO ! Haha. Headed to longhouse to eat. Lotsa memories came flooding back as i walked there but i managed to control my tears. Hais.. After eating, i wenta town. Bought a new pair of heels bcos the one i wore made my feet hurt like fuck and i couldnt walk properly. Haha. I had to wear heels bcos i was wearing short pants and if i wore flats, i will look damn short ! Haha. I drew $150 out of my bank acct but i dunno what the fuck i spent on and i am only left with $60. Haha. Anyways, i think im gonna get a new perfume soon. Still deciding which one to get. Any idea? I also wanna buy clinique compact powder ! Rarrr ! Hahaha.

Sian leh. I dont know if i should still call marcus on monday. I sorta know his answer alrdy and i am afraid of getting disappointed and hurt by him once again. It took me a few days to get everything right but yet, i still wanna hold on bcos afterall, we were tgt for so long and i really dont want to see everything going down the drain like this. Arghs.. Wad to do? Im afraid that if he disappoints me, i`ll fall right back down to the bottom again. I dont want to be crying anymore, i dont want to have the heavy heart feeling bcos it sucks.Grrrr... Why must god give us girls this 'emo hormones'? Guys dont seem to have it ! Haha.

Oh, and i suddenly remember something, i spent $6 on arcade games. Haha. Okay, now at least i know where my money went. Imma go get ready now ! Bye people ! =)


Okay. Bye! Sammie`s out ! =)

UPDATE: Hi, im back from the funfair. Its so fucking fun but its so freaking scary ! Haha. Sat this ride called 'Challenger', Gosh ! My heart flew to my mouth, and i had so many so many butterflies in my stomach. The scary-ness is really undescribable man ! When i came off the ride, my legs became jelly and i was so so dizzy i felt like puking ! Haha. But still fun luhs ! Den me and hwee went to sit a mini rollar coaster. We were like retards, kept screaming when it isnt even scary ! Haha.. afterwhich, we sat another ride, i forgotten what its called but it made my ass damn pain. At tht ride, this cute malay guy said to me ' gen wo zuo' so i said ok but i sat one seat away frm him and asked hwee to sit beside him. Haha. Den he asked for our names and when we left, he said bye to us. Really very cute sia he ! haha. I know i sound damn flirt now but wadeverrrr bcos i know imma get disappointed on monday ! Grrr.. If i do, imma go back to the funfair to look for tht cute malay guy ! Haha. But seriously, i really still love marcus. Just tht it aint as much as before. Hais.. Sian lah ! Imma go lie on the bed now bcos im still so fucking dizzy i feel like imma fall off the chair. Haha. Bye pple !

Grr~ Im falling sick. I cried in school today, i dont know why but so many thoughts just came rushing to me and i couldnt control my tears. Hais. I told marcus i`ll call him on the 26th, to get an answer from him. An answer of whether he is happier without me, an answer of whether he still loves me. If its a no den i guess im gonna give up alrdy. I mean its not that i dont love him or my feelings are fading, its just that i dun wanna be the only one clinging on to a dying r/s. Even if his answer is gonna disappoint me, theres nothing i can do right? I might just wait silently at the side and wait till he has had enough fun or wait till he realises im the girl tht loves him the most. It might not take sucha short time before he realises and i guess he might only realise it after he has gotten another girl. Tsk. Being single sucks ! ;x. I`ve got no life and even if i haf the money, i`ve got nowhere to spend on. Zzz

I really hope i wont be disappointed on monday but i guess its very super likely that imma get disappointed. Hais.. I really wonder what haf possessed my beloved boy ! The boy who says that he needs me alot and loves me alot.. Hais.. Crap ! I guess if i get disappointed on monday, if i ever fall into another r/s, it`ll never be about LOVE anymore. Hais.. Marcus boy~ I really miss and love you so. When will you ever realise it? ;x

And i end school at 1PM tml, friday and monday. Yayness to the maximum ! But still, sammie is not happy =( Sayos!

Im up ! Zzz. Went to my friend`s house to gamble ytd and im fucking lucky bcos i won over $40 in just a few rds of black jack and i was the banker. Hahs. The previous day @ my uncle`s house i also kept winning & winning.. guess im uber lucky now. I came back home at 3+ am and slept at 4am and now im up. Dont know why i cant sleep much nowadays. ;x

About marcus, all i have to say is that im super disappointed in everything he has for me. His love, care and everything. All i wanted from him ytd was his concern, asking me not to go out so late in the night, and he said smth like ' Its your fren, you wanna go den go lor' so i just went lor ! I really dont understand wtf is going thru his mind now, will he really be happy if i go with another guy? He is so fucking fickle-minded, he doesnt know who he wants. I guess he just wants the best of both worlds. I am already letting go of everything he has done to hurt me and have stooped down just to ask him back but yet he isnt touched. Should i just walk away and show him that he will haf nothing else to fall back on if im not there or should i stand there and tell him i`ll always be catching him when he falls? Its not like i do not know any guys now, in fact, i know alot of guys now but yet, none of them can make me happy and wad i am talking to them about the whole day is all about marcus. I really hope and pray to god that someday, marcus will come to realise that im the one who really loves him the most bcos im sure that NO ONE else will love marcus as much as i do. Even at this point of time, how badly he is treating me, so many pple are asking me to let go, but i just dont want to bcos i believe that marcus still has feelings for me. I dont want to believe and i choose not to believe that he doesnt love me anymore. I dont mind restarting everything again, i dont mind making him fall in love with me again but i cant bcos he refuses to meet me, he refuses to talk to me. I dont see why he doesnt want to, its not like im the one doing anything wrong. I really wonder why guys can never be satisfied with one good gf.. Am i really not good enough? Hais.. the 26th is coming and if we were still tgt, it would be our one year 11 mth anniversary. Hais.. Fuck that.

你将我的心打结, 丢在人挤人的街. 那一幕你捧着她的脸, 却希望那是我的幻觉. 我还不愿相信是爱情的终结...

不否认我心里不能平衡, 不否认我对你失去的不只信任, 还有容忍,不速之客爱着伤我的人.

不否认我心里不能平衡,不否认我对你还有一点的心疼,你不爱了,我却无法把你当敌人..

I might be going out ltr. Sayos!

Okay. I`ve managed to calm down and recompose my feelings. Sorry for all the rubbish i`ve said just now but i really had to let it out before i go bonkers.

My heart is really deeply wounded, wounded to an extent whereby i dont want to let anyone in. I know that the fastest way for me to forget is to get another better guy but i dont want to end up hurting another person. I may show that im happy & alright on the outer surface, but no one will ever know what im going thru inside. Every single little thing he does, hurts me deeply and every single word he says are like little knives stabbing my heart. Someone tell me whats the meaning of true love? Why must all good things come to an end? Arent they suppose to last? I try very hard to show that im happy but yet the sadness comes through unknowingly. I`ve told marcus before, if he wants me to give up & forget him, he`ll have to tell me that he totally have no more feelings for me but i`ve yet to hear it. I`ve got many qns to ask him, but im afriad to ask, afraid that the answers would be answers i do not want to hear. I have tried many a times to stop thinking about him but yet, every single thing reminds me of him. The pig & other soft toys he gave me are still lying on my bed, i havent got the courage to chuck them aside bcos i have a feeling that someday, when he has had enough fun, he`ll come back. The msges he sent when we were tgt are also still in my inbox, yet to be deleted. I really miss our past. Hais..

Marcus, just wanna let you know that every single thing we`ve done tgt in the past, i`ll treasure them and they`ll be etched in my heart. I love you despite all the hurts you`ve caused and i hope that someday, you`ll come to realise how much i really love you.

Anyways, enough of all this. I will upload pictures i took the past few days and im off to idle my life away.

Okay. This is all. Look happy on the outside, sad on the inside. ;x. Hais. Dont mind the fats you see. hahs

Me & My sisters.

Im not used to the freedom i have now.